Tales of two funny ritualist - Season 1 - Episode 12

6 years ago

Tales of two funny ritualist - Season 1 - Episode 12

Flex: Idris you dey hear so?
*From outside*

Ubong: how many times for god sake I go tell you say put three cups of perewinko for my rice.

Halima: anytime where you one tell me no be slap you dey use? How you take expect me to learn?

Ubong: by thunder and by force Idiot. I swear to God almighty, you dey mad.

Halima: and you too dey craze. You know see me say I be arewa girl, why you go marry me abi for katsina we dey pick perewinko?

Ubong: na who you just say him dey mad.

Halima: na you useless man.
*glass breaks*

Me: donflex, abeg go separate.

Flex: mtcheew!

Me: hahaha.

Flex; that guy na really really useless man.

Me: na true talk you talk. Person get wife but him no fit treat am well.

Flex: abegee.

*****************************
ONE MONTH LATER

we became stranded. Very very stranded. They was no money in our house and to eat self is second world war.

Soon, all the rats and cockroaches started relocating to our neighbour’s house. We began to leave in a rat free house.

Early one morning, I woke up with anger on my face. The hungry in my stomach was unbearable. I couldn’t move.

I tried to on my radio to listen to news.

Radio: in katsina and yobe, seventeen people has been found with the deadly virus, Ebola……………………

The radio turned off. To buy two little batteries for our little radio is a problem, a big one.

Flex: good morning.

Me: good morning o, you don wake?

Flex: no I still dey inside deep slumber.

Flex: chaii today hungry no be small o.

Me: I just dey here they review my life because as we dey so, na die.

Flex : Even me self. If he reach twelve I never eat, baba I don go be that o.

Me: since day before yesterday person just dey drink water. Oh my God…

Flex: before I go lemme tell you this. It was nice knowing you.

Me: yes, me too.
*knock on the door*

Me: *weakly* come inside.

Halima came inside and the aroma of one delicious jollof rice bombarded our nostrils.
Our savior is here again with food for us. God go really really bless this girl o. Chaii, for how many days now we never eat.

My mind diverted to “how will I eat all this food alone?” I looked at Flex and he was giving me the “I go kill you eat this food first before you” look.

I smiled and gave him the “even your papa and brothers including your mama no fit stop me from eating this food. Today na today” look.
He replied with “your whole villagers no go prevent me from eating this food. Wether they like it or not, I must surely eat this food alone” look.

I smiled and gave him the “we shall see who wins” look.

Halima: this one wey una dey look una self like this so, hmm. Una good morning o.

Me and flex: good morning the sweetest and most adorable cute Halima.

Halima: *blushed* abeg no flatter me. I just come to ask una if this perewinko dey enough for this rice.

She opened it and the aroma gave us life emotionally. Judging from the aroma the food is soooooo delicious.

Me n flex: *with watering mouths* yes, yes, yes it is enough.

Halima: *closing the cooler* ok, I no want problem that’s why I come ask, thanks and God bless.

She left with our food, I mean her food while me and donflex fell down and began to cry.
.