Tales of two funny ritualist - Season 1 - Episode 11

Episode 6 years ago

Tales of two funny ritualist - Season 1 - Episode 11

Flex: mogbe!!

Killer: ohh, na them be the guys wey dey share your ynash for church abi?

Girl: I swear to God na them.

Killer: arrow, you go fit help me go catch the other guy.

Arrow: walahi I no fit. The guy too dey far from here. If I rush am now he go escape.

Killer: no problem. Make we just deal with this one like never before.

15 Minutes later.

I was watching clash of the titans. The two guys were seriously dashing blows upon blows on flex who was lying on the ground helplessly.


Me: *still in my spot* NA MY FRIEND UNA DEY BEAT SO. IF UNA NO STOP ENH. IF I COME THERE ENH UNA GO DIE ONE BY ONE I SWEAR.

I turned back and saw this mallams coming with their suya knives and daggers.

Me: ahh, Flex don die be that o. Ayaa, what a waste of an innocent soul. A handsome young boy. Chaii, them don kill am finish na.
When the mallam got close to me, they held me tight.

Me: ahh, Mallam, may na yi (wetin I do)
head of mallam (HOM): sharrap.

HOM: sharrap. Ko na you and your priend dey sit down po here dey beg am por cudi ko.
Translation (say na you and your friend dey sit down for her dey beg for money abi)


Me: walahi talahi ba ni ba ne (I swear no be me)

HOM: sharrap. Kay ne (na you) I dey always see am por you, you go tie am for caya (cloth) for your ido (eyes) dey beg am for our cudi ko.

Me: *tears now coming out, If this guys start their own eh* walahi talahi no be me I swear.

All the mallams: shi ne!!!!!!

They shouted “it’s you”. now I am doom, is it not better for me to receive the beating that flex is receiving than for boko haram, sorry I mean boko harams because dem plenty to cut me into tiny pieces.

Me: ina suwa (I dey come)

Me: mallams, I dey come make I go receive that VIP treatment for there. When I come out alive, we go discuss you hear?

HOM: kaiiii!!!

He shouted and I stopped immediately.

HOD: Mamud!

Mamud: aaa!!

HOD: ku zo mu du ke shi (make una all come make we beat am)
*****************************
OUR APARTMENT

The way we got back home alive, I don’t just know. All I knew was that, as they were beating Flex, they were slicing me.

It was a really good and nice samiratan that came and stopped them. Helped me and flex.
Took us to the hospital, payed our bills and took us back home safely.

Flex; so na today we for take die?
He asked as we both lay weakly on the bed.

Me: you don see am na.


Flex: but wait o. Idris, you no be better friend at all.

Me: you dey craze? How!!

Flex: so you mean say dem dey beat me you no fit come come help me?

Me: for wetin you talk so, thunder go fire you?

Flex: how?

Me: you been no see say the mallam dey site me with cutlass. I be hulk were I go receive everything come fight for you.

Flex: but how he take happen?

Me: them don recognized us o.

Flex: chaii, that’s why I no want make we pass there the first time oo.

Me: I think?

Flex: yes na. No more business again for us. D--n it.

We just la!d down there. Soon, we heard a loud noise from the neighbours.

Me n Donflex: not again!!!!
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