Tales of two funny ritualist - Season 1 - Episode 16

6 years ago

Tales of two funny ritualist - Season 1 - Episode 16

OUR APARTMENT.

Me: thank God o say we run commot for there o.

Flex: see wetin you dey talk? You be won stay their before? I dey craze? I dey mad.

Me: iyeeeeee!

Flex: why you shout?

Me: what if this guy come find us for house with him boys?

Flex: that is impossible.

Me: remember, the time wey dey beat us, people been they say na this guys wey dey live two streets from here.

Flex: na true o.

Me: I even remember say some people dey call our real name for them.

Flex: iyee, na true o. How we go do naw?

Me: I noone die, I better vacate this place.

Flex: you dey mad well well. We better vacate this place.

Without wasting time, we packed all our belongings into our travelling bags. Ate enough of food and took all our money.

“PAA”

Mallam Musa: I don chop am for this game pa.

“PAA, PAA”

Baba Ayo: a, Me self don chop your two games ni.

Mallam Musa: kai, wey this two yaro (boys) dey go pa?

Baba Ayo: e be like say, dem one travel o.

Flex: ah, we don dey commot for this una dirty compound wey fly and rats full everywhere. We dey go better place. This place too foolish for my liking.

Mallam Musa: tor, na for now you know say this place e too foolish ko?

Baba Ayo: hahaha, Landlord don give them quick notice o.

Me: tarh, landlord no fit. I swear he no fit.

Just then halima came out, she and Mallam Musa with baba Ayo where the only ones in the compound as they didn’t go to church.
Halima: ahh, where una dey go…

Me: at least I go answer better person, We dey travel commot for Niger state for now.

Halima: *sad face* why na?

Flex: haa, in look, sorry I mean in search for greener pastures na.

Halima: aya, I swear I go really miss una o.

She said and hugged us.

Halima: I dey come make I go bring something wey una go eat for road.
She said and bounced her heavy butty away.

Mallam Musa: I swear we must do sharia law for here?

Me n Flex: why?

Mallam Musa: so una dey hug am for anoda person wife ko,, pornication
(fornication) of the highest other.

Me n Flex: na thunder and lightning go fire you, in fact, go blast you.

Me: you think say here na…

Oga landlord immediately came out from his room with a smile on his face.

Landlord: wey una dey go?

Me: erm, we want go village?

Landlord: ok, wey my money dey?

Flex: which money, we collect any of your money.

Landlord: thunder fire una, my house rent.

Me: for which house? This uncomplited shop na im you dey call house.

Flex: idris you too good self, this scatter scatter carton, this unfinished pit toilet na im you dey call house?

Landlord: una papa get am? Una fit build am.

Me and flex: TAAARHHH!!!!!!

We spat out… Baba Ayo and Mallam Musa were busy laughing.

Me: he better make I dey live for mango tree than to stay here.

Flex: he better make I dey stay with pigs than to live here.

Landlord: but no be here una dey live since.

Me: thunder fire you!!!

Flex: we just dey pity you dey stay here or else we for don go since.

Landlord: ok, make I go call police. Una go hear am today.

Me: if you know say you be oga landlord, cross that pure water leather over there.

Flex. Whether we no go commit murder

Me: and father! Just cross that line.

Flex: In fact go call the police if your mama born you for hospital.

Landlord: what!!!!!!

He said and dashed away.
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