Tales of two funny ritualist [completed] Season 1

Season 6 years ago

Tales of two funny ritualist [completed] Season 1

☆☆
PRESENT DAY
LOCATION: NIGER STATE

I stood up lazily from my bed and yawned. Chaiii, na new day be this oo. New day of the week.
Monday don come with him wahala oo. God forbid, Monday don come with him riches. Na so our pastor say make we dey prophecy.

Me: *tapping Donflex* oboy, oboy wake up.

Flex: *stretching lazily on the bed* na wetin. Abeg leave me to rest.

Me: you dey craze! Na farm work you do through out the night wey be say you want rest? Idiot.

Flex: Idris! Idris! Idris!!


Me: why you dey Idris me. Abeg stand up oo.. You know say we go go work today?

Flex: i know na but make i rest small.

Me: no prob i dey come.

I went to a little cupboard were pepper and other little things we used in cooking including pots were kept.

I know you will be thinking why we kept our kitchen equipment in a cupboard but it was because of we live in a real face me i face you house. I mean real face me i tear you hot slap house with different characters including different language. Toilet we dey share, infact the kind house wey we dey live in you no go pray for your enemies to live inside.

Enemy too small self, your nemesis!

FROM OUTSIDE


Ubong: *shouting* hey!!! Halima!

Halima: yes!
She replied.

Me: hahaha, i know he will complain about Halima not putting enough perewinko in his soup.

I thought to myself.

FROM OUTSIDE.


Ubong: where my delicious and God blessed isam dey?

Me: toor, dem don start be that oo. But wetin dey worry ubong self? If you want eat perewinko well well, you no go marry Edet or any other calabar girl? No wow o!

I said to myself as i was busy mixing pepper and cold water to pour on Donflex.

Me: na so dem go dey disturb person for yard. Which kind wahala be that. You marry hausa girl dey expect isam.

I said as the couples were lashing each others with bad mouths, insults and the rest.

I walked inside and true to God, infact i swear to God, Donflex get luck. I for pour am my mixture of pepper and cold water.

Flex: wetin dey inside that plate na.
He said sitting on our patch patch bed.

Me: na water wey i won use brush my teeth.

Flex: hmm, this ubong and him wife self.

Me: forget about them jare. Leave sleeping dog to lie.

I said as i stylishly went outside and threw the water and pepper mixture.

Time check 7:05am
we hurriedly brush our teeth, took our bath after waiting for out turn respectively.


Me: oboy, we don dey late for work o.

Flex: na true oo. No time to soak garri drink. Make we prepare go..

We dressed in our Italian suit (no be original one oo but the suit cost us thousand of nairas. We dey use the suit for church and to toast girls)
we polished our black costly shoes, put on wrist watch and combed our hair before leaving for work.
.
.
KADUNA ROAD

We go to Kaduna road, a major express way in Niger state where we sat down beside the road, tied our eyes and brought out a cardboard paper with this inscriptions written on it..

“DO NOT FORSAKE THE BLIND. HELP THE NEEDY AND OUR GOOD LORD SHALL HELP YOU IN RETURN.
THANKS AND GOD BLESS”


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